


scream it to the nothingness

by HearJessRoar



Category: Julie and The Phantoms (TV)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, what if we were both dead and sad and gay haha just kidding...unless?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-25
Updated: 2020-10-25
Packaged: 2021-03-08 20:41:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,695
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27192574
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HearJessRoar/pseuds/HearJessRoar
Summary: Alex finds him under the pier.yeah okay maybe a crying first kiss isn't like, ideal, but whatever, Alex is having heart palpitations when he doesn't even have a heart anymore so there's that.
Relationships: Alex/Willie (Julie and The Phantoms)
Comments: 43
Kudos: 520
Collections: oh YES





	scream it to the nothingness

Alex finds him under the pier.

There's water lapping at Willie's sneakers that doesn't, cannot seep into the fabric. In the setting sun, orange lights his hair from behind and makes it look like he’s burning.

His heart breaks.

Willie doesn’t look up as Alex takes a seat next to him on the damp, mossy boulder.

“Are you okay?” he asks, and almost wants to hit himself. Of course Willie isn’t okay, of course he’s not. Whatever Caleb has done to him has left him gaunt.

Faded and hollow.

His board is missing.

Willie gives him a crooked grin. It’s strained, his lips pulled tight against his teeth. “Hey, hotdog. Aren’t you looking nice today.”

And Alex is wearing the same clothes he died in but that isn’t the point. He knows that isn’t what Willie means.

He summons every bit of boldness he has, stomps down on his anxiety, and slings his arm around Willie’s hips, pulling him into the world’s tightest side hug.

Willie _melts_ into him, readjusting so he’s got his face tucked into Alex’s neck. “I’m sorry. I’m so glad you’re okay, but I’m _sorry_. All I give is bad advice, I guess.”

Alex tugs on a strand of Willie’s hair, smoothing it down again. “Nah. You do your best.”

“My best almost got you dead twice over, dumbass.”

“Yeah. But I’m fine. Luke and Reggie are fine. You aren’t fine.”

Willie winces, bringing his hand up to his temple. “He stamped me. Again."

He holds on tighter. “What will that do to you? He already has your soul.”

“Dunno. Make me feel like my head is bleeding out all over again, I guess. Whenever he feels like.”

"Is that how it works? Makes you relive your death?" Alex raises his free hand to the center of his chest, just above his stomach. "Explains why we kept tasting blood."

Willie nods, still cuddled up to him so closely Alex wonders who the last person to hold him was, and when.

"Is he…can you come back with me? I'm- _we_ are all really worried about you. Julie hasn't even met you yet, but she's almost put a hole in the floor from pacing." Willie snorts into his neck, amused. "Which is annoying, because she's pacing in _my_ pacing spot."

"He's got me on a pretty short leash, 'lex."

Alex's heart clenches in his chest because no one has called him that since…

Well, since he and Luke were kind of sort of a thing but not really.

He shoves that thought all the way down to the bottom of his Do Not Open file, but notes that he really likes the way that Willie says it. Like Alex's name is too much for his mouth and he has to roll it around first.

He toys with the ends of Willie’s hair again, tugging gently to make them lay flat on the back of his tie dye shirt. "Please?"

Willie sighs. "Put those-" he gestures to Alex's face and he can only assume that Willie means his pleading eyes, "-away. Of course I'll go with you. You don't gotta point a weapon at me, geez."

He's a millisecond away from poofing them back to the studio when Willie huffs, and drops his forehead to the space between Alex's neck and shoulder, the bridge of his nose pressed against Alex's throat.

"Can we stay like this for a minute, though? Please."

Alex swallows.

"For as long as you need," he promises, running his hand up and down Willie’s arm, hoping for soothing.

They stay that way while the sun sinks down behind the water, illuminated in pinks and oranges and yellows that pull all the color out of Willie’s hair and wash it in lazy hazy lavender blue.

He keeps his arm tight around Willie’s shoulders, his other hand fidgeting in his jacket pocket because he doesn't know what to do with it.

Alex is starting to wonder if ghosts actually _can_ sleep and if Willie has just dozed off against him when he speaks again.

"I've been losing time." He says, whisper quiet into Alex’s jacket.

And the way the sudden ice stabs down into Alex’s stomach makes the blood he doesn't have run colder than the grave.

He stays quiet, lets Willie explain himself in his own stilted words.

"It's like…" Willie starts, trails off. "Before the club, before Caleb, I'd lose the day or the month or the year. Time is just. Unrelenting. Endless. I know I died in 1987. But I'm not sure about any other year."

"Why?"

Willie shakes his head, the slightest of gestures and Alex can feel it down to his bones. "Ghosts...we need an anchor. I didn’t have one. And when you don't have one...you sort of just skim the water, going and going, you know?"

"And the club is your anchor?" Alex asks, feeling sick even as he says it. Willie sighs.

"A fake anchor. Time stopped slipping me by when I joined. But I've been losing time again-" his voice cracks and Alex's collar is suddenly damp with tears. Willie's shoulders are trembling and Alex physically can't hold him any tighter than he already is-

"I'm scared, Alex. I'm so scared."

His heart twists for this amazing, vibrant boy, this kind boy, who helped him and hurt him and helped him again, who has been reduced to fearful tears soaked into his shoulder. 

And the protectiveness that growls in his chest, the part of him that always manages to outweigh his anxiety, claws at his ribs, begging to be released, begging to go beat the hell out of Caleb for doing this to Willie.

He won't, for Willie’s sake, for the band's sake, but God it'd be satisfying to feel the crunch of Caleb's nose breaking under his knuckles.

Alex isn't a violent person by nature. But when he had come out, so had the rumors. His classmates turned on him. They bared their ugly souls and made it clear they'd rip out his throat and crucify him the way they thought he deserved, if only they had the guts to get anywhere near him.

But because of his right hook's reputation (and the similar reputation of Reggie's very heavy steel-toed boots) they never tried, and instead they'd gone for his little sister.

They'd regretted it.

He wants to make Caleb regret it, too.

Willie is still shaking, and he mumbles something Alex doesn't quite catch. It sounds a little like "...lose you too-" but he isn't sure.

But he doesn't ask him to repeat it, and without a second thought he presses a kiss to the crown of Willie's head, since it's the only part he can reach.

Willie freezes, and Alex feels all his anxiety come flooding back, sinking into his very bones and chilling him right to his fingertips.

He clears his throat, tries to untangle his arm and pull away, tries to put space between them so he doesn't make Willie any more uncomfortable than he already definitely is and _goddammit you stupid idiot the guy cries on you and you force your feelings on him when he obviously doesn't want you-_

Willie won't let go of him.

He's got his fist balled up in Alex's hoodie and Alex doesn't remember him doing that, but he's got the pink fabric gripped tight like he's adrift on a choppy sea and it's his only tether to shore.

"Hey, 'lex…?" Willie says, sounding very far away.

"...yeah?" Alex says, pretending like he doesn't notice his voice is so high pitched that only dogs should be able to hear it at this point. He's glad for a moment that he's dead, because with Willie’s hand so close to his chest, he'd be able to feel Alex's heart trying to escape the cage of his ribs if it were still beating.

"If I wasn't all gross and crying and snotty right now, would you let me kiss you?"

He feels like the air has been knocked out of his lungs, which is silly, because he doesn't even _have_ lungs anymore, and Willie is looking at him with puffy, bruised, _hopeful_ eyes, and yeah he's a little bit of a sniffley-snotty mess right now but he's _the most beautiful mess Alex has ever seen,_ so he thinks it can be forgiven that his stupid mouth blurts out-

"You could kiss me anyway,"

And Willie laughs, wipes his nose on his sleeve and makes a face. "You deserve a better kiss than this-" he gestures to his tear streaked cheeks and Alex can't stand this amazing, bright boy looking so disheartened, can't stand him being down on himself and all he wants is another glimpse of the boy who ran him down with a skateboard, who helped him focus, who made him feel _alive again_ in a way even his drum kit couldn't.

So he reaches out, both hands on Willie's jaw before he can protest, and presses a soft kiss to his mouth the way he's wanted to since he got literally knocked off his feet.

Willie doesn't seem to mind, though he's pretty clearly self conscious about the fact he was just crying his eyes out and still kind of is, but Alex doesn't care because he can tell that Willie is smiling against him.

He pulls away, rests his forehead against Willie’s, and breathes. Alex doesn't want to open his eyes, doesn't want to spoil the moment, to pop the bubble and come crashing back to reality.

Because reality is that Willie doesn't belong to him. Willie belongs to Caleb, even if he doesn't want to anymore.

Willie still has his hand tangled in Alex's sweatshirt, and he tugs playfully. "Hey, space cadet, come back to earth."

Alex smiles despite himself, and opens his eyes.

"Still wanna go back with me?" He asks.

Willie grins at him, the evidence of his tears still fresh.

"Yeah, hotdog. Let's go home."

_Home._

He can feel his dead, tender heart swell in his chest, the icy feeling he'd had before washed away with sudden warmth.

Yeah. Home. He liked the sound of that.

**Author's Note:**

> hi i got obsessed with my own idea of willie losing time when he's unattached to reality and the idea that caleb is punishing him by making him skid along time again is just evil and i liked it anyway here's some soft boys hope you enjoyed
> 
> pls comment i need them to thrive


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